Category Archives: Work

Christmas in Retail

The first rule of retail, is you do not talk about retail, especially online.

Everyone who works in retail usually speaks of nothing else at this time of year.

Merry Christmas!

It isn’t your usual customers that cause Xmas time grief, some of whom predictably piss you off on a weekly or monthly basis, it’s your “blow ins” that often leave a residual bitter taste on the palate.

Expecting more than you can provide, or often simply the extra presence of blow ins can cause all kinds of calamity such as: Creating a bottleneck at the registers, which in turn creates excess Tsk! or the very fact that you are under pressure to perform more quickly for more people, causes your regular customers to get the shits.  It’s a vicious cycle, and those who act surprised have short memories.  I am speaking from 20 or more years experience in the game, and while this may resemble a whinge, I pride myself on my customer service and that of my team.  I believe you “create your own customer” and good service isn’t really that hard if you have the training and skills.  But I also believe in working smarter, not harder, so when I have to work harder I’m not a happy Cowgirl.

So what’s this got to do with you?  Simple. Don’t be an arsehole whilst you are Christmas shopping. Do not assume people “get paid” to fix up your shit. Fucking with the merchandise and leaving it strewn from ear to toe across a shop just makes it difficult for everyone.   Leaving your food rubbish around the shop or in the carpark instead of in the giant, very obvious bin.. you’re just a lazy prick and it just makes you look like you have mucho disrespecto for the people who work there.  That’s how you get spit in your burger.  I don’t presume anyone I know personally would be child like enough to behave like this, but it helps to spread the word.

It’s Faux Pas for me to discuss this, and is generally frowned upon, but I’ll let you in on a little secret….

If you want good service, be a good customer.  Simples!

On the plus side.. and Yes, people can be offended by whatever they damn well like, and people can chose to be not offended by anything  so let’s quit the “what not to say to……” bullshit articles. ..  it makes for some damn funny stories at Christmas parties. You could be one of my hilarious joke stories. At least 500 people will make you famous.

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A Roller Skating Jam called Saturday.

Im just going to preface this with the clip.


Today I had surprise work. I dont normally “Do” Saturdays, so it was a step off into the abyss that is ‘Saturday retail’.  It is known to be our company’s biggest trading day, and it brings with it some gems.

Saturday retail is nothing like the roller skating Jam. Unless of course you have managed to jump on some good pingers or some other kind of ability to become disengaged. Hallucinogenic or not.

Today I had an engaging assortment of personalities that went like this:

Fake hair,

Fake Contacts,

Fake tits,

Fake tans,

an Ice Junkie who wanted to sing whatever was on the radio at the top of his voice whilst shopping for Rabbit things,  a customer who sighed and moaned and ummed and ahhed and then when I told her the price she counted out the coins for me as well as the $50 note,  as though I was an imbecile. I hadn’t the heart to inform her that she had vegemite ( I hope) smeared from one corner of her mouth up to her ear.

One of the things Ive done in the last 10 years in retail, is grow disaffected to people’s attempts at self elevation , by putting you down… or…  to misconstrue the way things are put across.  When I turned up to work, as a replacement for someone, I had opened the store late.  My first customer exclaimed. ” What’d ya do? Sleep in?”  again… not my fault you wanted to rock up at the crack of 9 to buy something dude.. but I guess Im on your time now.  Nope.  I said…wasnt me. They dont need to know why exactly I was reefed from my bed at an ungodly hour on a Saturday.  Nor do you, but it involved something equally as crazy and fitting for the day. Nothing else really surprised me.



I’ll swap you.

So I manage people,
And I manage stock.. Stock is easy because it doesn’t get strange ideas in its cardboard box head and become difficult. It doesn’t complain or bitch behind your back, it doesn’t need to. It knows that it goes to its job, does its work and at the end of the day if it’s lucky, it’ll get paid for. It rarely says, ‘hey I think I’d be better off in some other store where I reckon they’ll give me a better shelf to sit on.’ no. Stock is easy, it comes with all it’s proverbial baggage inside it’s plastic and sealed wrapper.
The tricky part with people is, if they don’t communicate, you can’t know what they’re thinking. You can usually afford them the respect, that considering they are working a particular job that they must know what they’re doing. They are, after all presumably a grown adult. But sometimes you find you’re suddenly in the red with that respect. and then the trouble starts….


So now Im back, from outer space..

I’m back.. only after going through that entire rigmarole of trying to reset my password after having forgotten it since I HAVEN’T LOGGED IN SINCE 2010.
Well that’s what happens when you go off chasing other pretty shiny things, like Facebook, and Tumblr.
SO Ive recently had a few whinges about my line of work on the ol’ FB.  Some love it, some hate it… I just get a bloody good laugh. But only after Ive drawn breath several thousand times to regain my self esteem and awareness!
Where I work, the customer base is.. well.. it’s old. It’s old and its foreign.. its old eastern European foreign… and it can be very taxing on the soul.  It’s jammed between a Hospital and a Mental health facility.
This should  for all intents and purposes, suffice to describe the “punters” I get there. But you really cant know until you have walked a mile.
I make you walk that mile, and hold my hand, every step of the way. Just you watch

Anyway.. so there’s a song I like but I have no idea who it is by and what it’s called.  They play it on triple j all the time. Sounds a bit like Gotye. Ill keep you posted .. if I ever manage to catch what it is. It’s fast becoming an ear bug. ( aka loop of a song that wont leave your head until you’ve heard it again)

In place of that however, just for today  is an oldie but a goodie from Tv on the Radio: Wolf like me.

Im a massive Skyrim Nerdling … its appropriate. Trust me.

I work with Animals and people.

Animals.  I like them. I even know a lot about them.  Not say, as much as a Zoologist.. but as much as about 30 years experience will get you.

I can even help you win at Trivial pursuit or other animal based trivia games. This I think became more evident when we stopped going to the “music” trivia at the Townie and entered instead the more “General” domain. Due to well.. despite our collective music memory and brains, even my music snobbery goes to shit after 8 schooners.  ( if anyone ever wants to go to the Townie for a game of Trivia.. by all means message me, if you know me its an absolute barrel of laughs.. you just better be good at anograms)

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