Child free flights.

You have heard it from me before. The rants about kidlets and you may roll your eyes that I’m at it again.

Last night I caught a plane. It was Jetstar which may speak for itself and set the scene for the most budget, crap, flying tin box you can pay money to be inside of.  The flight was from Coolangatta to Sydney as we had been visiting my Grand old Grandfather for his 90th Birthday. 90 runs, not out they said. I am proud of him for kicking death in the face and spitting down it’s neck, in the true style of those of my genes.  Merriment was had by all, along with  some kind of vintage Champagne that had turned into bubbly sherry, or similar liquery type wrongness.  We all drank it anyway.. 2004 isnt that old…
It was a day trip, kind of decadent to Fly to the coast, get pissed, have a swim and fuck off home again.  It was the fucking off home part, where it began to be less piss head and more pissed off.

Seated in the 4th row, I thought it was grand. Up the front not as many wankers in front of us. Pretty good.  Until a Family of  6 sat down in the two rows ahead. Oldest kid was probably about 10, youngest, what was to be the most shrill screeching mess of a human being I may have ever encountered.  Not to give it away, but it was a large case of fuckery.

As soon as they were seated ( or were tryed to be seated by their father) I could tell this was going to be interesting.
“Someone needs to come and sit between Mum and I ” said the Father who looked pained and irritated after the flight attendant asked him not to open the closed baggage hold above his chair. It was clear he disliked discipline himself.

“noooooooooooooooooo-wah” said the first kid. “Charlie and I are watching the ipad”.

– ‘Well, one of you has to come” said Dad. “Please?”

I get it. Treat your kids with respect, the same way you’d want to be. But Dad had already cracked it for being “asked” to do something. Why would the kids be any different?

After a serious 10 mins, the youngest one was coaxed into the seat between Mum and Dad.  After a serious 30 mins into the flight, Dad was yet again “asked” to place the child in its own seat, with it’s seat belt on. It is after all, a requirement of flying at 40,000 feet in a flying metal object. Im pretty sure if Dad had read the “terms and conditions” he would have had less trouble swallowing this concept, like the majority of sane individuals do.

It began with the descent. First crying, then repeat after repeat after repeat of ever escalating, perpetual screaming. intermittently dotted with “LET GO OF ME!” and “LET ME GO” and “LET ME OUT”. For the entire descent, we were descending into Hell itself.  It was so loud I actually contemplated yelling some of my own abuse, but realised just how futile the situation was.  What do you do? No one said a thing. The parents were cooing and shooshing to no avail, and the rest of us slowly had our blood boil in our bodies as demons and hell hounds tore at our flesh.

Are we all just too bloody polite?

In Britain up to a third of all Passengers who were surveyed said they would pay extra for Adult only flights.  No doubt met with scorn from the Mum club, I have to agree that I’d be perfectly fine paying an extra 50%!, just so I didnt have to put up with that shit.

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