I dont have kids,

I dont know If I even want them. Of course being a female of breeding age it has crossed my mind on a few occasions, it even turned a relationship sour, and now…. I think I’m safely aware of my complete intolerance of the miniature human to know I  am no less of a woman for not having them.  I  do like to practice though, no word of a lie, even if I lack a maternal bone in my body.

I know a few others, my age or older.. (not that it makes a difference), who have abstained from the re-spawn motivation. It can be tough. Family kind of expect you to pass on the genes, or give them the joy of reliving parenthood by providing them with grandchildren, which will somehow magically fulfill their destinies. Those friends or family members with young children seem to show a feigned respect for  your decision, but at the same time are straining at the bit, to try to convince you ( and probably themselves), deprived of sleep as they are, that it was the best thing they ever did.

It’s not always the case. Hello new born.. goodbye social life. Many of my mates ( not all of them, it’s true)  who now have kids, I only see sparingly..those of us sans offspring, continue on our merry journey of doing whatever takes our fancy. It is not only because of the time Children take up, but of the conversation topics, and the interests.. which quite frankly evade me.  I’m really not that interested in how many poops junior has taken today, or where he caught Impetigo this week. Sometimes I wonder if perhaps I am a man in a woman’s body.. not trapped though, there are hundreds of perks.


Of course, friends of mine are popping them out at an almost alarming rate. I unfortunately don’t see the need. There are millions of kids in the world!

Step back in time and Yes, it was a legacy, or out of need to keep communities alive and thriving.
But is it so much the case now? As Ive just said.. there are millions of kids born every day. And not all of them into happy, healthy environments. Who am I to add to that?

Secondly, you may say I lack empathy , but there exists in society today, some assumed and silent rules that  are to the benefit of the Pregnant woman…Get up out of your seat, help her lift some heavy shit, or for the recent birth…make way on the footpath for her and her enormous Pram.

This  Article  from The Guardian, and although the author Bibi Lynch  reportedly got ripped into by the internet community ( Whatever that may entail ) ..seems to concur. It is actually true I started writing this post before I read this article.  Seriously.. I dare you to read it. It is The. Best.  and encapsulates what I’m getting at so much better than I am here.. and more from the point of view of someone who cant conceive.. but It’s not the only thing this is about.

Needs a V8 under the hood

I have said it in my  line of work, to customers who have complained about the cost of having 6 cats. ” No-body MADE you have 6 cats!.. at some point it was YOUR decision!” the same goes ( with the exception of evil conceptions, of which I abhor the thought, and sadly  even in 2012 rape still happens and can result in children) for planned pregnancy. Mate.. you decided to do that.. if ya wanna go shopping when you’re  due in 2 weeks.. well…. What can I say. Let me drop everything? while you struggle, look uncomfortable and are as grumpy as f*ck even though Im trying to help?

Seriously though.. If someone tried to do that for me.. not pregnant… Id think.. The F*ck is this? You some kinda 1950s Tony Abbott voting, closet  gettin your Chauv on? Thinking I cant do this by myself? Gawddamnit Women have been doing this shit for millenia. Why start now?

Whelping. We got this. Cant act like it?

Why do we have to act like we don’t? That’s my Question. Having not been through it, I am sure this will invoke a few scoffs, but I stand by my statement.

I guess also in some way we are programmed by our inbuilt instincts. Lord knows  almost* every man Ive ever met is likely to think about shagging every few minutes in some way, shape or form and reportedly “cant help it”  They are driven by an inbuilt need to spoof  all over and in everything.

I’m sure they say that their kids are the best thing that ever happened to them too.. and they probably are.

This brings me to re-iterate my previous post about irrational annoyances. Other people’s kids.

I had this discussion with some mates, and Ive had it before with others. I don’t seem to mind kids from my Tribe, or who are related to me.  Again, probably an in built mechanism to prevent infanticide amongst communal groups. “Infanticide has been practiced on every continent and by people on every level of cultural complexity, from hunter gatherers to high civilizations, including our own ancestors. Rather than being an exception, then, it has been the rule.” is what Im saying. Not that I would ever consider Murder let alone this, let me clear that up… but Historically there had to be something that triggered the brain into protection mode.

Other people.. who I don’t know.. and this includes my next door neighbors.. their Kids shit me to tears. I mean quite literally to tears. There are 2 kids under the age of 2, who I regularly complain about. I am told by mothers, from the description of their antics, that perhaps there is a lack of considerate parenting going on here. They are still awake and most of the time screaming and crying at 930pm, and again at 7am and again at 10am and so on and so forth… So it seems at least even Mothers will admit it all comes down to the parent! Let it be known, Mothers will self regulate other mothers! Someone please come down here and regulate this shit!  Im not a Mother, I dont feel like it’s my place to knock on their door.. ( or the wall) and explain that kids apparently need some kind of routine. I know this because of Puppies, and surely the same thing applies..


One thought on “Spawn

  1. moggiebean says:

    total respect! its admirable for a woman to admit, and stick to it if it is her wish. Its hard to stick to your guns through the gauntlet of broody women!
    For me, i knew all my life i wanted to be a mum. That doesn’t change the fact that other children have and still, annoy the shit out of me too. I put it down too the fact that most people shit me, and lack intelligence. Now i don’t mean a high IQ, basic in intelligence to me is the the ability to learn outside of a classroom or lecture hall, the ability to accept fault and the ability to see things from an objective view. Most human beings lack these basic traits, and the majority of them are producing offspring for whatever reason (usually something along the lines of insecurity, entrapment, money, ego, ect), thus perpetuating the retardation of society.
    But where the real problem exists, is actually the fact that more and more of the rare and endangered people with actual intelligence are deciding to not have children due to seeing what is happening to society, and the world.
    real intelligence is dying. now I’m not saying I’m perfect, but i do try to do it right and i will teach my bubba good values and respect for others. among other things 😉

    To those ‘intelligent’ people that are still in question about having children, fuck off that ‘maternal’ image that has been imprinted on society. If you have the ability to love then you will love your child and do what ever it takes to do whats best for them. But if your social life and personal freedom is more important for the next few years, then wait, dear god wait.

    well thats my 2cents hahaha!. Seems if there is anywhere to be opinionated, its here 🙂

    Love your blog cowgirl xx

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